亞瑟・阿倫《人際增溫36問》

人際增溫 36 問

心理學家亞瑟・阿倫(Arthur Aron)研究:
兩個陌生人之間的親密關係,或許可以通過彼此詢問36個設計過的特別個人化問題而快速升溫。
這36個問題分為三組,一組比一組更深入自我底層。
這個理論的核心是「共同的脆弱能促進親近感。」
這項研究的作者認為:「同伴之間發展親密關係的關鍵模式在於持續、逐步升級、相互且個人化的袒露自我。」允許自己和另一個人共享脆弱可能非常困難,下面這個練習能幫助你做到這一點。
作家卡特隆和她的朋友在文中嘗試的最後一件事是彼此對視四分鐘,這個過程沒有被詳細記錄(其實可以從兩分鐘到四分鐘不等)。但是卡特隆毫不遲疑地推薦這件事。「兩分鐘的效果已經很驚人了,」她說,「四分鐘真的非常有效。」

 第一組:

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
全世界的人給你選擇,你想與誰共進晚餐?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
你想成為一個名人嗎?如果想,那會透過什麼方式?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
打電話前,你會先想想你要說什麼嗎?為什麼?

4. What would constitute a “perfect day” for you?
一個「完美的一天」對你而言是怎樣的?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
你最後一次自己對自己唱歌是什麼時候?對別人唱歌是什麼時候?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
如果你可以活到90歲,然後可以其中後面的60歲里選擇30歲的身體或者思想,你會選擇哪樣,為什麼?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
你有沒有什麼預感你會如何去世?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
說出三樣你們有共同點的三件事情。

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
你生命中最感激什麼?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
在你的成長過程里如果可以改變什麼,你會選擇什麼?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
用4分鐘儘可能詳細的告訴對方有關你的生活故事。

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
如果明天醒來,你會獲得一樣新的技能,你希望是什麼?

第二組:

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
如果透過水晶球能告訴你真實的自己,你的生活或者未來,你最想知道什麼?

14. Is there something that you』ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven』t you done it?

有沒有一件你特別想做的事情?為什麼還沒有做呢?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
你一生最大的成就是什麼?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?
你在友情中最看重的是什麼?

17. What is your most treasured memory?
你最寶貴的記憶是?

18. What is your most terrible memory?
你最可怕的記憶是⋯⋯?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
如果你知道一年後你會突然去世,你會改變你現在的生活嗎?為什麼?

20. What does friendship mean to you?
友情對你來說意味著什麼?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
說說「愛」和「情意」對你來說,在生活中扮演什麼樣的角色?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
你認為對方身上的積極面,可以舉例說說5個。

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

你的家人親密嗎?你覺得你的童年比其他人幸福嗎?

第三組:

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
你和媽媽關係如何?

25. Make three true  “we” statements each. For instance, 「We are both in this room feeling …
用「我們」來造 3 個句子。比如「我們」在同一個房間感覺到⋯⋯

26. Complete this sentence: 「I wish I had someone with whom I could share …
完成這句話:「我希望有一個人可以分享⋯⋯」

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
如果你和對方將成為親密的朋友,你覺得最重要和他分享的是?

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you』ve just met.
告訴對方你喜歡他什麼?要很誠實,哪怕說一些你對初次見面的人可能不會說的話。

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
和對方描述一個尷尬的時刻。

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
最後一次在別人面前哭是什麼時候?自己默默地哭又是什麼時候?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
告訴對方,你已經喜歡他的某些方面。

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
有什麼事情是你覺得非常嚴肅,不可以開玩笑的。

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven』t you told them yet?
如果你今天晚上就會死去,你最後悔沒有和人說的會是什麼?為什麼還沒有說?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
你家裡裝滿了你所有的東西,不幸著火了。在救了你的愛人和寵物後,你還有時間救出一樣東西,那會是什麼?為什麼?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
在所有的家人裡面,誰的去世對你影響最大?為何?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
分享一個你自己的個人問題,問問對方有什麼方式來面對它。讓對方告訴你你選擇的這個問題會讓他對你有何感受。

 

 

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